Japan Lover

What an *eff*night. Soundtrack? Maroon5

Posted on: 20 January 2010

Hot Kisses put you in trouble


Wow, I have so much to tell (write) that I will spend all time in the lab awaiting for reactions typing over here.

Oh, wow.

I felt a lot like I were living in a movie yesterday.

So, let’s try to be senseful and tell what caused turmoil in Miss Z.’s life in the past… 12 hours. 16 hours actually.

I went to ride Swifty in the stable as soon as I ended work yesterday. It took me surprisingly little time to exit Milan and get into my house surrounding countryside, so by 5h15 pm I was already happily hopping on my beloved beast.

Karim would have joined me only at evening, cos he was all up in a meeting with his mentor defining HIS schedule for the year (trips planned: Barcelona, Paris, London, Athens, and you can bet I will get there along as much as I can ;)).

I was feeling absolutely amazing out from my well gone meeting at the US Consulate and I was just entertaining my self with some good indoor horsejumping (Swifty is a champion there… lovely creature is awesome!).

At a certain point, unexpected and totally out of the blue, a well known voice cheered me out from a small distance.


Oh… Lord.

I was so struck in seeing and hearing him I almost fell out off Swifty.

“What are you doing… here?!??”

I not so politely yelled at him. Really. WTF.

“I wanted to call you before reaching out for you here, but I just never picked up the phone with the right words in me for it. So I just decided to come and see you.”

Again… WTF.

“Not a good idea. What do you want from me?”

“Step off from your beautiful horse. I need to talk a bit with you…”

“They created cell phones to make that easier…”

“No. This I want to tell you needs a face to face interaction.”

One small word was composing straight in my mind. TROUBLES. Eff. TROUBLES.

I step off from Swifty (he had to feel something wasn’t right cos he was like… putting himself between me and R.: how lovely from my baby. And in fact he was right), and took off the cap. Then I stared at him with that kind of face nobody likes to decode in me. Really. I was so pissed at him I can’t still type now recalling that.

“I have tried to forget you. But I just can’t. That’s even worst that when my marriage fell off.”

“You are just such an ungrown kid. You keep chasing past. That’s wrong. Those days are gone. I no longer benefit anyone beside Karim. And that’s not a friendly benefiting. We’re together.”

R. smiled. R. still one hot piece of man, gotta say it. And the fact he’s not a guy, but  proper man due to his age keeps making him hotter actually. I have always loved his smirk. He looks like an actor from the 50’s then.

“You… “together”? It won’t last. You can’t be caged.”

“I am not caged. I am free to love now. And I am in love. Just move on, and keep the good memories. I really won’t get together with you ever again. But you know anytime we have been together it has been great. Not many in my past “special Book of Fucks” have got your rates… and darn… you’re so brilliant and good looking, also… why keep yourself rooting in the past with me? It’s senseless. Go out. Find someone else. It’s plenty of fishes in the sea.”

He kept smiling.

“I have tried lot of stuff. Being with lots of women. I am currently seeing a pair. But no way… I can’t forget you. And you know I am not the only one of your past benefiting crew who won’t ever be able to forget you.”

“Lots of my friends are accepting Karim. They are. So… do it yourself. I’m deaf from that ear. Just accept it.”

He went on teasing me and telling me I was so definitive about that cos in case I would have relapsed with him I would have realized I can’t be with just one guy, no matter how great the guy could be.

Unlike me, I kept listening a lot. Feeling pain in my stomach. Feeling annoyed. Feeling like one of the reasons R. never became what Karim is was that he just couldn’t get the real me at all. I am way more layered than he will ever be able to get.

“You’re wrong darling. I could make out with you, and feel absolutely nothing lacks with me if I keep lacking you…”

“You lie.”

“I never lie. You should know.”

He went so near with his face to mine I could count his eyelids… and then I turned on cruel. That’s truly me. Eff…

“You are here to burn yourself. It has already happened. Stop this before it turns ugly…”

I was whispering at him and I knew that would have turned him on so much he would have acted for the impulsive one he is. I wanted that. I wanted to prove him he’s a fool.

“You will be the one burning Zaira. Just let me have you… You know you want it as much as I do…”

One of the greatest things I have learnt in my wild days with men is that men are just so simple when it comes to lovegames. Really. They have the selfcontrol of a three years old in a candyshop. They all think they are the ultimate big thing. They all think females can’t be colder than they are, and look or act hot. They just are so simple when it’s about a chance of f*cking. All of them.

“Are you sure?”

I whispered to his ear. Slided cheek to cheek on his side lip. Watching him directly in the eyes. Watching back his lips. You could feel his skin burning so much in the cold of the indoor jumpstage. I didn’t put a hand on his crotch, but I can bet my life that he was so hard he could have penetrated steel.

“I just can’t accept to never have you again…”

“You have to…”

And after saying that to him, I kissed him. So deeply, that he was shaking.

It was a great kiss, gotta admit it.

As soon as he realized, he was obviously trying to lift me to the wall. And then just because I am really cruel when I want to, I started to plan my revenge.

Because… you just can’t mess up with my life, R.. You’re gonna be hurt if you do.

“I won’t make you. Stop it. It’s ended.”

But I was saying this deliberately sweeten up and with that softened voice that turns every man on. Every single one. I put my hands on his chest. Not weightingly. Just to obtain the wanted effect. He went totally crazy. Swifty was watching: I guess there he lost a bit of respect for human beings of his gender…;)

“You want it as much as I do. I know it…”

“No way. You don’t know a thing my dear. I’m not willing you. I would never ever betray Karim. Never. Unless you don’t call yourself Adam Levine, you’re not my only one shot away from my Special K. Sorry.”

Telling him all this slowly, smoothly, while undressing him. I left him trousers down and openly chested. Then I watched his bulging p**is from the pants and really, really cruelly (I know, I am a bitch…) stared at him in the eyes, licked my pointing right finger, licked his lips at the side, and slided down the finger on the top of his *best friend* measuring it all in its lenght:

“You’ve got it all, dear. You’re hot. You’re smart. You can have it all. Just not me….”

Caressed him down there, and he was so out of his mind if I rethink at it today I give myself the Cruel Award not merely for this year, but for the rest of the decade:

“Use all of your amazing endevours for finding yourself happiness. I am not your happiness. I have never been. You never handled me well… ”

and then I strung my fingers stroking that bulge to make him hurt:

“… and now I can’t handly you well either.”

He was on his knees from the pain. And still he couldn’t yell at me. That was disappointing, gotta admit. If I were a man, I would have slapped the bitch I am heavily.

I went off tracking Swifty along.

“Dress yourself up, R.. People may come in at any moment. Forgive me for having been this cruel. But you gotta understand there’s no way I will be with you ever again. Keep the sweet memories. I do. And they are awesome. Don’t turn them into nightmares just because you think of me in a way that is not even me. You’re dear to my heart. Just not the way you’d love to. Accept it. It won’t change.”

I cleaned Swifty. R. never came back to tell me anything else. I suppose I acted really evilish. But I don’t care. He had to understand.

As I went home, I called Karim.

And told him ALL. That was undoubtedly a mistake.

I could hear from the phone he was out of restraint. He has never really liked R. at all. He can be friendly with my other former friends with benefits cos he hangs with them and he knows them. But R., being so much older than us, isn’t in our crew and he never really got along with him.

“I’ll be home later Zaira. I have to confront myself with him. This won’t have ever to happen again.”


I tried to distract myself with surfing in the blogs while waiting for Karim to come at me; trying to erase the image of punch ups that immediately gathered in my mind.

I never really loved males punching one another. I always found it immature. It’s strange, but it never really flattered me at all to think men could get fisty and bloody in the name of… me. That’s a load of bullshit if you ask me.

Time flew by… and Karim wasn’t returning. I was pretty concerned. R., beside being a hot ass, has got a strong body. Karim has got that too. Odds about serious wounding were high.

I couldn’t dare to call him. And the more I was getting worried, the more, strangely, I was starting to feel aroused.

That’s creepy, I guess. Maybe it’s my reaction to men war on me… and maybe after all that still flatter me? No idea. I just know I was scared as hell. And horny.

“I’m coming Zaira… be ready my sun…”

Karim’s words from the cell were like Heaven’s Gates opening in front of me.

He arrived minutes later. A bit bloodied, and with a couple of bumps.

“What did happen?”

“Nothing that you should worry your adorable mind with…”

And saying that he lifted me from ground, jumped upstairs and put me on the bed.



The night was *eff* epic.

“He said you liked to kiss him… did you?”

“I liked to reckon he was dying of desire while I was cruelly kissing him….”

“You’re an evil angel, Zaira….”

“I am a bitch. You know that…”

“You’re the greatest bitch alive… and I love you so much I could die for this, and kill for it, any given day under your sun…”

“Do me. Again. And keep calling me bitch…”

I could never EVER find anybody better than Karim for me.

If I needed a further proof, this past day and night I collected evidences for about a light year.


We have been playing all night my babies‘ music while we were re-designing our bedroom. That was so cos I love to make love on those songs. And he likes the way they turn me on too.

Fair enough, just about yesterday babies put on their page the 5th trailer for the album.

Of course I leave you with it.

I can’t wait. I can’t. I can’t.

Enjoy 😉 (and sorry world for I am a bitch. I LOVE it. Can’t change the way I am…)


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5'9'', Size 2 madhead in love with life, crushing over Japan, Music, and Kobe Bean Bryant.

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January 2010
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