Japan Lover

Sometimes you have to give evidences

Posted on: 23 July 2009

So… I woke up early today cos I had to write here and to my dear friend Mark before DISAPPEARING from webwaves till sunday evening, as I will get back from Garda Lake.

It was supposed to be Geneva Lake and tomorrow we should have also got to catch Coldplay in Switzerland (hopefully) but what happened this past night put on hold my chase of Maroon5 and Divine Adam, for I had to give Karim an evidence he asked for.

Backwards… yesterday you know I’ve like… spent literally HOURS reading Adam’s tweets. I have already done it this morning too… I still love all that he writes cos really it’s HIM there. But as I said, as I had in foresight, Karim went nuts about this as soon as he realized it. Not the way you might guess. He didin’t yell, and he didin’t like forbid me anything.

He just sat on my couch yesterday, and looking at me with one of his most intense faces ever he said:

“I know you are not intended to hurt me in no way with your crazy antics about Adam and the guys; I know you can’t do anything about this addiction and I know I don’t have to try to stop you but… what can I do to stop the way it still hurt to see you smiling while you read the words and while I know you imagine things along?”

For the very first time ever, I realized to hurt Karim is like hurting myself a bit.

It was a shock.

He saw it was and someway that shocked him even more than it did shock me.

So he got near to me, and started to kiss me that awesome way that just melts me completely. He was kissing and speaking and the whole of me was like disintegrating from inside. I’ve written this so many times so far but this time it eceeded it all again… he can find parts of me I didin’t know ever existed in me.

“Please…” he was keep saying while I was surrending at him and his touches “please give me evidence that you understand for me this is not a game and it’s not a fling… give me evidence you do care the fact you completely rule my life, makin me assured although I can’t rule yours, I still mean something to you that nobody has before me…”

The thing is that these words may sound submissive. But there was NOTHING submissive the way he was saying them. Nothing submissive the way he did take me. Gosh, it was like an onyx flame all over and insid me. Something burning, yet solid. Weighting. Just awesome.

“I wanna bring you to Japan this summer.Makin you see what you love the most, and I wanna be part forever of what you love the most… Let me be all you need. Just let me be that.”

I can’t explain the way this worked within me. I can’t. It’s beyond my mental reach. Also cos I suppose it has nothing to do with brain. I think I’ve finally found that my heart works like anybody’s else. My heart wants love. This kind of love he brings. The totalness of it.

We practically spent the night merging. Like usual. More than usual. I tried all to convince him I do care. I care about him like I didn’t think I would ever care of anybody. I told him I can’t cope with “my other addiction” and he said:

“It’s great to hear at least now you have “another addiction”… so far you had just one. It means I’ve reached the top, although cohabiting there. It’s… great”.

Again this sentence bombed me fully.

That’s true.

Damn it’s true. Karim’s there. It’s like… there. Where nobody was possibly allowed to stay. He’s there.

“Make me really happy Princess… tell me you won’t go at Lake Geneva this weekend, nor for Coldplay, nor for Adam. Let me have you these three days with no one else, dream or real, around. I know you can’t erase your mind about “that special thing”, and trust me I am smart enough to not dare to ask you so or force you so but… sometimes you have to give evidence.. and I need to see you feel like you’re fine in giving me this small complete victory this time. I need it to let you live your crazy thing later on. Please… accept. Please make me happy.”

I did.

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